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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26773687">always</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/akinorax/pseuds/akinorax'>akinorax</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Angst, F/M, Fluff and Angst</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 11:35:46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,404</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26773687</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/akinorax/pseuds/akinorax</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Prone to always be second best. And I thought I could finally be first with you."</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Iwaizumi Hajime/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>always</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I buried my head onto the palm of my hands, the tears I had been holding for so long finally rolling down my cheeks. </p><p>I never thought that I would be the person standing on the sidelines, watching you with someone else. But here I am, looking at a distance as you run towards him.</p><p>It’s not fair. I saw you first, when you were completely wasted on that small restaurant. I remembered that your friends were trying to get you under control, but you’re a carefree soul. Nothing could contain you. </p><p>I watched you dance and sing your lungs out from inside the restaurant. Your friends were trying to tell you to lower your voice, but I could just hear your slurred melodies become louder. I couldn’t help but laugh a little that day. </p><p>I thought I would never see that stranger again but what a surprise it was when I found out that you lived in the same apartment building as I did. </p><p>As time went by, we became good friends, and I can’t thank the stars enough for letting me bump to you in our narrow apartment corridor that fateful day. We started with getting morning coffee together, then slowly our conversations became longer and the goodbyes became a little more difficult.</p><p>Morning conversations would turn into constant late nights in your apartment that were filled with both laughter and sorrow. We also spent lots of early mornings in my car as we ventured out of the city to see the sunrise. </p><p>We would often scream our problems into the empty morning, as it dissipates together with the morning air. The sunlight would greet us by the time we’re done, and we would joke that it was a sign that the hope we’ve been looking for for so long has always been there. We were always there for each other, and I thought we would always be.</p><p>But I remember one specific night. That night we went to the beach to stargaze. We were on the picnic blanket listening to the waves crash and enjoying the night. I was explaining about the constellations as you eagerly listened, leaning onto my chest as I held you in my embrace. </p><p>You felt warm on the cold night. I could feel your smile on my chest as I pointed at the sky and tried to point out every single star I could, giving you the brightest one I could find. At that moment, I knew that I wanted to give the whole world to you if I could.</p><p>Everything was perfect. but it all got better. You looked into my eyes and pulled me in. It was as if time had slowed. I could see everything, I could see you. I could see the way your hair brushed against your shoulder so delicately, I could see the way your lashes would brush against your cheekbones everytime you blink and I could see the mischievous yet loving glint in your eyes. </p><p>You kissed me. I was ecstatic. I thought this was it. You reciprocate your feelings for me. But what you said the next day shattered my heart.</p><p>“it was just a kiss, Iwa. It doesn’t really matter. I was just caught up in the moment.”</p><p>I thought I was broken, but it all got worse when you saw him. </p><p>Since we were in middle school, Oikawa had always been the guy that got girls’ attention. Whether it’s at school, volleyball games, malls, even when we had that one trip to the mountains, he would always be the one who captures girls’ hearts. </p><p>I thought that you would be an exception. I thought that all those months we spent prior to knowing me wouldn’t affect anything. I thought that you wouldn’t be one of those girls who would fall into his allure. But some things just never changed. </p><p>It hurt me so much to introduce the both of you, but you had asked me to, after seeing him in some of my social media posts. The first time he sent a smile your way I knew I had lost. Your flustered face proved it. Your soft giggles and constant brush on his arms proved it. You’ve never shown me that expression in all those times we were together. not even on that night, you’ve never shown those gestures to me. I had never been considered as a man in your eyes, just a friend. </p><p>Seeing you drift away from me was probably the most hurt I've ever felt in my life. The hurt I felt from one-sided feelings I had with previous girls were nothing compared to you. </p><p>I had hope. I thought you were different, I expected better from you. </p><p>But as always, you fell for his perfect smile and perfect guy act. i knew that it was just a matter of time before he would drop you for another girl, but I couldn't tell you. I knew you’d be hurt and other than that, I think you deserve this. </p><p>You gave me false hope. I thought you loved me too. I had loved you because I thought you loved me back. It wasn’t fair for me. I saw you first, but he got the last glance.</p><p>I lifted my head up as I stared emptily at the ceiling. I could hear my phone vibrating. I bet it’s you calling. I bet he had dumped you. I bet that you’re crying right now, in front of a restaurant, or a movie theater. I couldn’t care less. I bet you’re regretting leaving me right now. I wanted to ignore you, I swear I did. But my hands were moving against my will. my finger pressed the shining green icon. </p><p>“Where are you? I'm coming.”</p><p>Apparently my lips were moving against my will too. And my legs as they walked out of my apartment into my car. I can hear you sobbing over the speakers as I rush to the restaurant you were in.</p><p>I saw you, crying. trying not to bring attention to yourself as you choked back your sobs. It broke my heart to see you this way but somehow I was relieved. Now you know that I'm always going to be there for you. Maybe you’ll finally consider me as a man. Once you saw me getting out of my car, you ran out to hug me.</p><p>“I'm so sorry Iwa, I’m so sorry for everything. I've been taking you for granted.”</p><p>You cried onto my jacket. I couldn't help but smile a little. I knew it was wrong, to enjoy your suffering, but I couldn’t help but feel the satisfaction sink in once I realized that Oikawa never got the last glance. I did. </p><p>“I’ll always be here for you, y/n. No matter what.”</p><p>I said softly, brushing little strands of hair from your face. I wanted to take a good look at you. Finally all mine. Finally nothing in between us.</p><p>You looked up to me with those sad eyes of yours and my heart couldn’t help but burst a little inside.</p><p>“Always?”</p><p>You whispered, leaning in, like you did that night.</p><p>“Always.”</p><p>I whispered back, our lips finally touching.</p><p>Then, I woke up on my couch. Back aching and various bottles of alcohol on the table in front of me. I sighed. I'll always be the one left behind, no matter past or present.</p><p>I stood up from my couch, dragging my feet to my bathroom. I needed to prepare for the day. No matter how rough of a night I had, the world doesn’t stop so neither should I. </p><p>As I stood under my shower that day I couldn’t help but thought; there was no point in screaming out our problems into the morning on those days which felt so long ago. Hope was never there anyway, I was always yours but there wasn’t even a mere second when you were mine.</p><p>I exited the bathroom, changing into my work attire. I sighed as I walked out of the door, leaving a little something on the table. </p><p>If I could turn back time, I would yell at myself to go back to the apartment and take a look at my phone. Because there was hope for him back then, if only he had turned around and realized what he had left behind.</p><p>3 missed calls from y/n</p>
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